One of our more favoured blogs in this blogging world is 'Mike's Pen' - written by a friend of mine...a funny, irreverant, diatribe against all things cant...no sorry that's the Chairman's Report...'Mike's Pen' is a daft eclectic epistle that frames the thoughts of a true English eccentric. No more, no less and he has readers...more than I have!
Yes I'm getting there!
'Mike's Pen' used to feature a character called Mrs Patel whom he claimed offered mail order driving lessons, a book of road maps and breast feeding tips from Nippal...it was a joke and a hugely funny one, taking the piss not out of Mrs Patel and the sub incontinent but out of our stereotypical view of these corner shop princesses. However such has been the the reaction from his readership that he's had to substitute Mrs Patel for a Dickensian charicature of a name and thus lose the joke. What's going on?
How stupid are these third world morons who seem to be happy enough to lig off our benefit system, nab our best housing and turn our streets into no-go areas and yet they can't take a joke...even though they've been taking the piss for years!!
For a small island that's given the world: Cricket, Football, Shakespeare, a sense of humour and the internet the world has given us fuck all back...a bunch of religious retards, raggamuffin refugees and Mullahs with magnums who threaten us with a Jihad should we have a laugh at their expense.
Well you can all shuv it up your....oooh matron!
Because The Chairman's Report is going to champion Mrs Patel from now on ...the hot Hindu with nothing to do....and praise be upon the profit!!!!!!!!
Saturday, 11 August 2007
Sunday, 1 July 2007
Brown welcomes the bombers?
It has to be said that the last two terrorist 'outrages' in Haymarket and Glasgow do offer the new Brown government a fantastic opportunity to prove themselves in the face of adversity.
In fact it's an opportunity so good that anyone could be mistaken for thinking it was rather staged managed. After all, 3 'outrages', 4 utterly incompetent bombers, (one was so hopeless he tried to set himself on fire when Allah failed to materialise and the other tried to punch his way out of the situation when our ever watchful security forces eventually cottoned on to what was going on) but thankfully no one hurt.
All the talk from the government now is that we musn't let this motley crew disturb our way of life...like pantomime horses are real!!!
Followed by 'aren't our security services wonderful?'
No actually they're not
...unless they consist of a drunk and an ambulance driver. If you don't know the story, an ambulance was called to pick up a drunk from Tiger Tiger and it was the ambulance driver who noticed the smoking car (Illegal from today by the way, so if the car was caught today it would have been fined £50 and sent on it's way) but on Friday the police were called and a 'potential' bomb was discovered, not only one but two - a second car ticketed in Cockspur Street had been towed away to Park Lane where it too was found to be stuffed with petrol and nails.
Towed away to Park Lane??? You couldn't make it up.
Excuse me, but in Baghdad these ideological idiots are popping off car bombs every day at the rate of 85 a month! So how come over here two fail to explode consecutively and the Glasgow clowns end up doing more damage to themselves than to anyone else?
Now I'm no supporter of Al Quieda and its' obscene beliefs in a viscious profit and a vengeful God but as a brand it's always had some merit - ruthless, efficient and imaginative, so what's happened?
Unless of course this is Al Quieda Light - same old terrorism but now with all the harmful ingredients taken out but somehow I doubt it, this is too comical, too off pat, too absurd - think about it if you don't believe me - this terrorism bears all the hallmarks of a covert government policy, cumbersome, crass and carried out with Buster Keaton incompetence.
New Prime Minister, New Labour, New Terrorist threat - same old bollocks!
In fact it's an opportunity so good that anyone could be mistaken for thinking it was rather staged managed. After all, 3 'outrages', 4 utterly incompetent bombers, (one was so hopeless he tried to set himself on fire when Allah failed to materialise and the other tried to punch his way out of the situation when our ever watchful security forces eventually cottoned on to what was going on) but thankfully no one hurt.
All the talk from the government now is that we musn't let this motley crew disturb our way of life...like pantomime horses are real!!!
Followed by 'aren't our security services wonderful?'
No actually they're not
...unless they consist of a drunk and an ambulance driver. If you don't know the story, an ambulance was called to pick up a drunk from Tiger Tiger and it was the ambulance driver who noticed the smoking car (Illegal from today by the way, so if the car was caught today it would have been fined £50 and sent on it's way) but on Friday the police were called and a 'potential' bomb was discovered, not only one but two - a second car ticketed in Cockspur Street had been towed away to Park Lane where it too was found to be stuffed with petrol and nails.
Towed away to Park Lane??? You couldn't make it up.
Excuse me, but in Baghdad these ideological idiots are popping off car bombs every day at the rate of 85 a month! So how come over here two fail to explode consecutively and the Glasgow clowns end up doing more damage to themselves than to anyone else?
Now I'm no supporter of Al Quieda and its' obscene beliefs in a viscious profit and a vengeful God but as a brand it's always had some merit - ruthless, efficient and imaginative, so what's happened?
Unless of course this is Al Quieda Light - same old terrorism but now with all the harmful ingredients taken out but somehow I doubt it, this is too comical, too off pat, too absurd - think about it if you don't believe me - this terrorism bears all the hallmarks of a covert government policy, cumbersome, crass and carried out with Buster Keaton incompetence.
New Prime Minister, New Labour, New Terrorist threat - same old bollocks!
Sunday, 10 June 2007
Media Morons
'Have a good evening...see you tomorrow.'
I know I moan a lot, in fact this whole blog seems to be one long moan however some things are worth moaning about, like the over familiarity of newscasters.
For God sake why do they all have to say, 'see you tomorrow' when they know perfectly well they won't - it's not funny, it's absurd? Does anyone actually believe that the grinning halfwit reading the autocues can actually look down the lens of the camera and see them? No,unless of course they're a Sky viewer, then maybe they need to be disabused of the notion, but for the rest of us, those of us who haven't as yet quite tottered into the gutter of gossip, rumour and facile comment it's an insult.
Dumber and dumbest
What happened to newscasters and presenters who wanted to do their job and not be our friends? You wouldn't catch Reginald Bosanquet 'seeing you tomorrow' or Peter Woods or for that matter Corbett Woodall because they knew perfectly well (if we were so inclined) that we would be seeing them - that's the nature of television or are the marketing spivs at the BBC ITV and SKY trying to convince us otherwise!
I know I moan a lot, in fact this whole blog seems to be one long moan however some things are worth moaning about, like the over familiarity of newscasters.
For God sake why do they all have to say, 'see you tomorrow' when they know perfectly well they won't - it's not funny, it's absurd? Does anyone actually believe that the grinning halfwit reading the autocues can actually look down the lens of the camera and see them? No,unless of course they're a Sky viewer, then maybe they need to be disabused of the notion, but for the rest of us, those of us who haven't as yet quite tottered into the gutter of gossip, rumour and facile comment it's an insult.
Dumber and dumbest
What happened to newscasters and presenters who wanted to do their job and not be our friends? You wouldn't catch Reginald Bosanquet 'seeing you tomorrow' or Peter Woods or for that matter Corbett Woodall because they knew perfectly well (if we were so inclined) that we would be seeing them - that's the nature of television or are the marketing spivs at the BBC ITV and SKY trying to convince us otherwise!
Saturday, 26 May 2007
The grosser grocers!
What the hell are Sainsbury's and Tesco's doing apart from making gross profits and feeding the nation a trolley full of lies and obfuscations? Is there anything on their pre-washed, shrink wrapped, chemically treated shelves that ever had anything to do with the natural world?
No.
The long and the short of it is that these two, (along with the Asda's, Morrissons and Budgens of this world) are largely responsible for the decay of the nation. Their cheap food policy means that their milk is no longer milk, bread is no longer bread, meat no longer meat and vegetables, God their vegetables!!!
So wedded are they to grinding out their industrial muck at a price often below the price they pay for the packaging, they've had to create chemical equivalents of staple foods. Have you tasted their milk? The cows would be utterly ashamed. Their bread comes from a paper mill and as for their meat, chemicalised, flavoured and probably past it's sell by date.
We'll leave the fish because if you knew what their fish were fed on (each other) you'd be sick before you'd even swallowed them.
Viscious, venal and all consuming these disgusting food dumps proliferate with the appetite of a black hole - poisoning the nation for the sake of profit.
No.
The long and the short of it is that these two, (along with the Asda's, Morrissons and Budgens of this world) are largely responsible for the decay of the nation. Their cheap food policy means that their milk is no longer milk, bread is no longer bread, meat no longer meat and vegetables, God their vegetables!!!
So wedded are they to grinding out their industrial muck at a price often below the price they pay for the packaging, they've had to create chemical equivalents of staple foods. Have you tasted their milk? The cows would be utterly ashamed. Their bread comes from a paper mill and as for their meat, chemicalised, flavoured and probably past it's sell by date.
We'll leave the fish because if you knew what their fish were fed on (each other) you'd be sick before you'd even swallowed them.
Viscious, venal and all consuming these disgusting food dumps proliferate with the appetite of a black hole - poisoning the nation for the sake of profit.
Friday, 2 February 2007
THE RETURN OF THE WITCH FINDER GENERAL
Here we go again, clap hands here come the Nazi's... or the National Socialists, in fact lets forget the word national and just call the Nazi's what they always were - Socialists a fact they hate to be reminded of hence the absurdity of the Anti-Nazi league ( How can you have a league against yourself? Ludicrous!)
It would appear now after the obscene furore over a bit of name calling in the Big Brother House that we really are in thrall to an extremely malevolent form of inquisition should our tongues slip out of line with the prevailing left wing agenda of multi-culturalism, political correctness and eco- terrorism.
The treatment of Jade Goody and her two cronies by the left wing gutter press since leaving the house has of course been utterly shameful but more sinister than that it's also been a warning to each and everyone of us that unless we're all singing from the same manifesto...our lives can just as easily be trashed too. So sing up boys and girls, sing up...just don't be singing out of tune.
Here we go again, clap hands here come the Nazi's... or the National Socialists, in fact lets forget the word national and just call the Nazi's what they always were - Socialists a fact they hate to be reminded of hence the absurdity of the Anti-Nazi league ( How can you have a league against yourself? Ludicrous!)
It would appear now after the obscene furore over a bit of name calling in the Big Brother House that we really are in thrall to an extremely malevolent form of inquisition should our tongues slip out of line with the prevailing left wing agenda of multi-culturalism, political correctness and eco- terrorism.
The treatment of Jade Goody and her two cronies by the left wing gutter press since leaving the house has of course been utterly shameful but more sinister than that it's also been a warning to each and everyone of us that unless we're all singing from the same manifesto...our lives can just as easily be trashed too. So sing up boys and girls, sing up...just don't be singing out of tune.
Wednesday, 10 January 2007
BNP - The punk future of politics?
Unless the over fed, over paid turtles of Westminster get hold of the situation England will fall into the hands of the BNP within the next ten years!
The current political cabal arraigned in their anonymous suits and spouting their sound bite opinions are reminiscent of the smug old rock bands of the late seventies - lazy, pompous and completely out of touch with their audience... punk rock blew them out of the orchestra pit just as punk politics will blow this mob out of the houses of parliament, and I for one can't wait.
I've no time for the BNP, but that's not the point I'll vote for them because I want rid of these grey monks who are currently running some alternative reality they call Britain!
The current political cabal arraigned in their anonymous suits and spouting their sound bite opinions are reminiscent of the smug old rock bands of the late seventies - lazy, pompous and completely out of touch with their audience... punk rock blew them out of the orchestra pit just as punk politics will blow this mob out of the houses of parliament, and I for one can't wait.
I've no time for the BNP, but that's not the point I'll vote for them because I want rid of these grey monks who are currently running some alternative reality they call Britain!
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